Marriage
Marriage: to Complete or to Compliment
Gideon T. Russell
For so long through out the years we have always heard that our spouse, that our mate must complete us. My wife or my husband is my better half. Those may be just clichés, but words have life, words have meaning. Many people go into relationships looking for all the wrongs things. They are looking for someone to bring them happiness and joy. They may be looking for security, to fill their insecurities. Before the dating, before the relationships, before the thoughts of marriage, before the planning, before the honeymoon, we must make sure we take care of the most important part of the relationship; ourselves. Before we look on the outside for a relationship we first have to make sure on the inside we are complete, on the inside we are already whole.
Mentally, physically, spiritually, we should already be complete, we should already be whole. Many of us go into a relationship where we need someone to cure our insecurities, we need someone to bring us joy; we want someone to ease all the pain that we have had from previous relationships. We may also want someone to ease the pain that was caused by one or both of our parents not being there. There could be a lost feeling from not seeing any positive role models in our life, the confused feeling from not seeing a positive couple to look up to.
Many times in life, many people go through life without seeing the proper structure on relationship, not seeing the truth of a God in an ordained marriage. Not to down parents or our older generations, because they did the best with the resources that they had.
For some children they have never seen a successful relationship where both parents stayed together and stuck it out through thick and thin. Where both parents where there, to raise them and mold them to be a successful product to function and succeed in this society. Those same children grow up and they go into society, they go into the dating scene without any foundation to build their relationships. Those adults now get married, without ever receiving proper training on marriage and relationships. Many people in our society receive their marriage counseling from television and movies. To ask a question, “If someone never saw a successful relationship up close, how can they be expected to have a successful relationship for themselves.” Just a thought!
Marriage; to Complete or to Compliment, Marriage; to Compliment or to Complete. Some people look for a relationship to complete them, fill all the voids and emptiness that have built up over the years. Some people go into a relationship looking for someone to compliment what they already have, to add icing to the cake.
To look at this closely, many people in the world have many issues. With those issues, they try to cover them up or fill them with different things. For some it may be ice cream, they may indulge in the bowl of ice cream until all their worries are just temporarily covered up. For some it may be alcohol, others it may be drugs, and then some it may be parties or a party lifestyle. There are many things that people do or use to cover up their issues or problems. Some may even use sex, or they may jump in and out of relationships or sexual relationships. Many people are looking for something, but they will never find it in something or someone else. The only thing than can fix your emptiness is Lord Jesus Christ.
No matter how hard you look, you will never find fulfillment in someone else when the emptiness, when the void is inside of you. Your void must be filled before the dates, you must already have joy before the relationships, you must already be healed, and you must already be complete before the marriage. You can’t expect someone to be your lifesaver, when you are deep underwater in your despair. You can’t expect someone to be your safety net, when you are cutting the net and lashing out whenever someone reaches out to save you. Your healing process must start before the relationship, before the marriage, before the honeymoon. If you go into a marriage all messed up, soon that honey will turn into vinegar very fast.
Just a quick note to throw out there. I meet many women that say, I been hurt, I have been through so much, and I have a lot of pain. The way they sound you would think they where married two or three times or in their late 30’s. These are young women that are sixteen through eighteen, or women that are younger than 25. How much hurt can you have in your life before you turn eighteen. Sexual relationships bring a lot of issues and drama that young adults do not know how to handle and cope with. These same pains and insecurities go with them into their adulthood and they carry them into every relationship they go into. “A moment of pleasure brings a lifetime of pain.” A moment of pleasure brings a lifetime of pain for many teens and young adults.
I’m not going to go deep into this problem right now; I’m going to break this down in a future writing. Just be ready for the next hit article “A moment of pleasure brings a lifetime of pain”.
Here is a saying that I use every so often. A virgin is like a beautiful cake that the greatest culinary artist designed. Every time that she has sex before marriage, a slice of cake is removed. Let’s say a cake has twelve slices, every time she has a sexual relationship another slice is removed. When she finally becomes married, she is down to one slice of cake. Many experts say a way to a man heart is his stomach. If that is true, how can one slice of cake be fulfilling to a man, when he longs and want the entire cake.
Many people look for a perfect spouse, a perfect mate, but if they find the perfect person, they mess up the relationship, because they bring themselves into it. When you look for perfection in a mate, you will never find it because we are flesh and we all have issues, we all have problems, and no matter how we look at it, none of us is perfect. Since none of us are perfect, there will never be a perfect marriage, there can only be a Godly marriage, with Lord Jesus Christ being the leader in every area, in every aspect of the relationship. We must strive to have a perfect relationship, but in the process of trying, we will mess up and at times, we will bring disappointment to our spouse. When the disappointments come up, when the trying times creep in, seek God for direction and let Him be the Lord and Savior over your life and over your marriage.
For those who are jumping in and out of relationships seeking joy, seeking someone to fill your void, turn to God. Turn to the word of God. In every area of your life that is messed up, there is an answer to your problem if you seek the Lord.
If you say, it’s impossible, God says, through me all things are possible.
If you say, I’m too tired, God says, I will give you rest.
If you say, Nobody cares for me, God says, I love you.
If you say, I can’t go on, God says, my grace is sufficient.
If you say, I can’t figure things out, God says, I will direct your steps.
If you say, I can’t do it, God says, you can do all things.
If you say, I’m not able, God says, I am able.
If you say, it’s not worth it, God says; hold fast and it will be worth it.
If you say, I can’t forgive myself, God says, I forgive you.
If you say, I can’t manage, God says, I will supply all your needs.
If you say, I’m afraid, God says, I haven’t given you the spirit of fear.
If you say, I’m always worried and frustrated, God says; cast all your cares on me.
If you say, I’m not smart enough, God says, I will give you wisdom.
If you say, I feel all alone, God says, I will never leave you nor forsake you.
God has a positive answer for any and every negative situation that we may go through. Trust and believe in the Lord thy God and He will be the glorious light that shines bright just for you. God can and He will heal all your pain and hurt if you case all your cares upon Him.
Once you are healed and you are set free from all your insecurities and pain, and you are healthy enough mentally, physically, spiritually to go into a relationship, that’s the only time the marriage should be a option. A marriage is to compliment what you already have. The only way someone can compliment what you have is by both parties being already whole in the Lord.
Gideon T. Russell
For so long through out the years we have always heard that our spouse, that our mate must complete us. My wife or my husband is my better half. Those may be just clichés, but words have life, words have meaning. Many people go into relationships looking for all the wrongs things. They are looking for someone to bring them happiness and joy. They may be looking for security, to fill their insecurities. Before the dating, before the relationships, before the thoughts of marriage, before the planning, before the honeymoon, we must make sure we take care of the most important part of the relationship; ourselves. Before we look on the outside for a relationship we first have to make sure on the inside we are complete, on the inside we are already whole.
Mentally, physically, spiritually, we should already be complete, we should already be whole. Many of us go into a relationship where we need someone to cure our insecurities, we need someone to bring us joy; we want someone to ease all the pain that we have had from previous relationships. We may also want someone to ease the pain that was caused by one or both of our parents not being there. There could be a lost feeling from not seeing any positive role models in our life, the confused feeling from not seeing a positive couple to look up to.
Many times in life, many people go through life without seeing the proper structure on relationship, not seeing the truth of a God in an ordained marriage. Not to down parents or our older generations, because they did the best with the resources that they had.
For some children they have never seen a successful relationship where both parents stayed together and stuck it out through thick and thin. Where both parents where there, to raise them and mold them to be a successful product to function and succeed in this society. Those same children grow up and they go into society, they go into the dating scene without any foundation to build their relationships. Those adults now get married, without ever receiving proper training on marriage and relationships. Many people in our society receive their marriage counseling from television and movies. To ask a question, “If someone never saw a successful relationship up close, how can they be expected to have a successful relationship for themselves.” Just a thought!
Marriage; to Complete or to Compliment, Marriage; to Compliment or to Complete. Some people look for a relationship to complete them, fill all the voids and emptiness that have built up over the years. Some people go into a relationship looking for someone to compliment what they already have, to add icing to the cake.
To look at this closely, many people in the world have many issues. With those issues, they try to cover them up or fill them with different things. For some it may be ice cream, they may indulge in the bowl of ice cream until all their worries are just temporarily covered up. For some it may be alcohol, others it may be drugs, and then some it may be parties or a party lifestyle. There are many things that people do or use to cover up their issues or problems. Some may even use sex, or they may jump in and out of relationships or sexual relationships. Many people are looking for something, but they will never find it in something or someone else. The only thing than can fix your emptiness is Lord Jesus Christ.
No matter how hard you look, you will never find fulfillment in someone else when the emptiness, when the void is inside of you. Your void must be filled before the dates, you must already have joy before the relationships, you must already be healed, and you must already be complete before the marriage. You can’t expect someone to be your lifesaver, when you are deep underwater in your despair. You can’t expect someone to be your safety net, when you are cutting the net and lashing out whenever someone reaches out to save you. Your healing process must start before the relationship, before the marriage, before the honeymoon. If you go into a marriage all messed up, soon that honey will turn into vinegar very fast.
Just a quick note to throw out there. I meet many women that say, I been hurt, I have been through so much, and I have a lot of pain. The way they sound you would think they where married two or three times or in their late 30’s. These are young women that are sixteen through eighteen, or women that are younger than 25. How much hurt can you have in your life before you turn eighteen. Sexual relationships bring a lot of issues and drama that young adults do not know how to handle and cope with. These same pains and insecurities go with them into their adulthood and they carry them into every relationship they go into. “A moment of pleasure brings a lifetime of pain.” A moment of pleasure brings a lifetime of pain for many teens and young adults.
I’m not going to go deep into this problem right now; I’m going to break this down in a future writing. Just be ready for the next hit article “A moment of pleasure brings a lifetime of pain”.
Here is a saying that I use every so often. A virgin is like a beautiful cake that the greatest culinary artist designed. Every time that she has sex before marriage, a slice of cake is removed. Let’s say a cake has twelve slices, every time she has a sexual relationship another slice is removed. When she finally becomes married, she is down to one slice of cake. Many experts say a way to a man heart is his stomach. If that is true, how can one slice of cake be fulfilling to a man, when he longs and want the entire cake.
Many people look for a perfect spouse, a perfect mate, but if they find the perfect person, they mess up the relationship, because they bring themselves into it. When you look for perfection in a mate, you will never find it because we are flesh and we all have issues, we all have problems, and no matter how we look at it, none of us is perfect. Since none of us are perfect, there will never be a perfect marriage, there can only be a Godly marriage, with Lord Jesus Christ being the leader in every area, in every aspect of the relationship. We must strive to have a perfect relationship, but in the process of trying, we will mess up and at times, we will bring disappointment to our spouse. When the disappointments come up, when the trying times creep in, seek God for direction and let Him be the Lord and Savior over your life and over your marriage.
For those who are jumping in and out of relationships seeking joy, seeking someone to fill your void, turn to God. Turn to the word of God. In every area of your life that is messed up, there is an answer to your problem if you seek the Lord.
If you say, it’s impossible, God says, through me all things are possible.
If you say, I’m too tired, God says, I will give you rest.
If you say, Nobody cares for me, God says, I love you.
If you say, I can’t go on, God says, my grace is sufficient.
If you say, I can’t figure things out, God says, I will direct your steps.
If you say, I can’t do it, God says, you can do all things.
If you say, I’m not able, God says, I am able.
If you say, it’s not worth it, God says; hold fast and it will be worth it.
If you say, I can’t forgive myself, God says, I forgive you.
If you say, I can’t manage, God says, I will supply all your needs.
If you say, I’m afraid, God says, I haven’t given you the spirit of fear.
If you say, I’m always worried and frustrated, God says; cast all your cares on me.
If you say, I’m not smart enough, God says, I will give you wisdom.
If you say, I feel all alone, God says, I will never leave you nor forsake you.
God has a positive answer for any and every negative situation that we may go through. Trust and believe in the Lord thy God and He will be the glorious light that shines bright just for you. God can and He will heal all your pain and hurt if you case all your cares upon Him.
Once you are healed and you are set free from all your insecurities and pain, and you are healthy enough mentally, physically, spiritually to go into a relationship, that’s the only time the marriage should be a option. A marriage is to compliment what you already have. The only way someone can compliment what you have is by both parties being already whole in the Lord.